Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4
Yo Barb(ie)! Happy Birthday!!! Hey, just tugging affectionately with the Barbie bit, but it seems like I remember you writing something reflective enough for me and mindless enough for your Wall Street readers at the same time based on Barbie’s twenty-fifth birthday. That’s some accomplishment, darlin’, and that’s why I’m writing you, today ‘cause I only consort with the best when I have my way about it!
Hey, you remember when
Major Daniels and I came to visit you in
I guess I’m just simple, but you told me I was cute once – I remember it if you don’t. Yep, you’ve said it before when you were going off to be bored with some dumbass Yankee boyfriend some weekend when I called from Texas, and I told you I’d ride up there and smack him one and take you out on the town myself, but you said that was bad manners and mama taught me not to argue with a lady, Miss Phillips. Must have been five or six years ago… I always think of you New Years Eve, Barb. You’re lucky your birthday isn’t January 9th like Richard Nixon and me!
You know, I think I’ve got me a pretty good story going in April Fools, Captain May, the collection of my writings since April 1, 2003 (it’s a bit over six hundred pages – but that’s draft form, mind you) I’m thinking about the subtitle a weapon of mass deduction – whaddaya think?
It all started out with me
crying on my living room floor April 4th (US date) because I knew
the boys were catching hell in
I waited for the American
president and the American media to act right, but they didn’t act at all – and
that was dead wrong. Barb, I knew that
this meant we weren’t
“Do you know what I think?” I asked, calmly?
“No, sir, Captain May” (I’ve taught them to use manners) “what do you think?”
“I think that people like me are telling people like you what to think, and if I were you I’d be scared as hell of that.”
Then I played a sad little tune on my guitar for Al Jazeera and asked for collections, with my knuckles glaring in their direction and keeping their pale asses in their chairs. None of them cared any more about Al-Jazeera than they did for American GI’s, though. They just listened glumly until I was done, then I left them grumbling like the cowards they are. They’re our next generation of professionals – they are the seed whence sprang this generation of Judas Journalists.
That’s how it started out
in April. And what has gone on in
between is epic. I rode a bike a
thousand miles to Ft. Stewart, along the way evading a gang of robbers,
shutting a robber with a stare and four words, walking across the Mississippi
River on a six-inch rail, then topping it off with a showdown with a Green
Beret colonel at Ft. Stewart. The
showdown was surreal: It turned into a
pleasant warrior-to-warrior talk about the psychology and techniques of
homicide (armed and unarmed), Zen, Old Testament war techniques and the
like. Charming man, Colonel Dennington – he felt like family, and I miss him. He did me a big favor just before I left
him: He told me not to have survivor’s
guilt when the story of
I came back to Houston thinking that what I’d already done was plenty enough for one book, and that I’d just give the proceeds away and get back to teaching martial arts and learning guitar, then spruce up on my Greek a while, and quit practicing stick weapons so much.
Then in July all Hell broke loose!
The Times started heating
up on Bush, Weasely Clark started heating up on Bush,
and sister, I
started heating up on Bush! I zapped him
with an op-ed
July 8. That was fun!
Then it got really fun when Dr.
Kelly died strangely in the
Good thing I had my own
friends, Barb, who told me to duck my bold but brainless skull. I guess I’ve learned not to trust the
media. You know what, I think a lot of people are learning not to trust
the media – or soon will. Wanna know a joke:
The longer the media covers for George, the more credibility (i.e.,
market) they lose for it! I named the
whole fiasco perfectly before we even
reached
Hey, thanks for talking with me in the summer, when all the other reporters were dodging left and right not to talk to me! And thanks for keeping our talk confidential – I knew you would respect your source! I’ve always been a WSJ fan, Barb, since I started writing for you back in the 90’s. I’ve always believed that what the WSJ said was so true that the truth itself was a lie by comparison – and that’s the standard toward which all the others strive but cannot attain. I’m glad you guys have been in my loop since we talked, Barb!
I’ve been in the open with
my communications all the way – the First Amendment is my best friend. You might pass it along to the
All I’ve got in my
Who would have thought
that so many of my little prophecies would have come true? Read the published
essays (the unpublished are even
better, though) and you’ll see what I mean.
I called it right all the way along, Barb, while the WSJ (at least
according to Frank Michel at the Houston Chronicle) was already blowing the
bugle for the profiteering to come. Shucks,
does anything ever change? We’re just
trying to annex the Middle East for oil the way we annexed some stuff from the
Spaniards by war (
I spent the summer months in a bunker because I thought I was a priority InfoWar target until the prez went to Ft. Stewart and gave them a presidential unit citation like Judas giving a kiss. I hope to God that after this treason outs the 3rd Infantry Division will remove the presidential citation and Congress will replace it with a Congressional citation – George W. Bush has no right to decorate any military man or woman for anything. He has shamed the office of commander in chief.
Well, I’m out now, just hoping that my prose will keep me on the lips of the muses (and you’re one) while it’s all going on and (if I’m not around) after it’s over. You should have smiled on my poetry more, Miss Barbara – I’ll bet there are jewels in my stuff since those days that you’d like.
There’s another area of
predictions where I’m on target (and it sucks, like all the rest of my
predictions). I started being in fear
for my life when I knew that the media was working for the White House instead
of
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