Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4

December 4, Bob Arnot, MSNBC

I seldom bother to comment on the day-by-day, blow-by-blow sucking up that y’all do for the prez, but you deserve to have the jackass tail pinned on you, boy. Bend over.

Just before you got on the air, one of the MSNBC generals was commenting that the situation in Iraq may be untenable, that our forces have lost control of Baghdad, and that we needed an escalation in tactics but not in force (whatever that means). It was about as air-headed as most general-officer talk tends to be, but at least the poor man was doing his best to think intelligently about the war, which has reached a critical juncture with Operation Iron Hammer…

Then onto the screen you popped, like some kind of chuckle-headed Jack-in-the-box, giggling your way through a story about how things are improving in Baghdad because a department store has opened up somewhere. You happened to find an effusive English speaking Iraqi who happened to be pushing a full shopping cart in the store, and happened to say that he just loved American Occupied Iraq. I hope he was paid well for his performance. [Editor’s emphasis, in all cases]

Bob, here we Americans are, sitting in an infoblackout since our forces started getting hammered and started hammering back over a week ago. All the hammering that’s getting done, from whatever side, will only forge a stronger Iraqi resistance. Yep, there’s the operational picture that y’all aren’t showing because you’re too busy showing a Sunni on a shopping spree.

The fact of the matter is that you media pukes won’t let the public know that we’re sinking deeper into the Quicksand War, and the only policy the prez has is to hope our feet find the bottom before we go under. You’re enabling an illegal war, and if I had my way about it, you’d get to tell your side of your cowardly story to Congress.

For now I’ll just rap you on the knuckles in my newsletter for shitty propaganda (by virtue of nonsensicality, arranged interviews, and the lame exaggeration of calling a small store a “mall” repeatedly). You also get a dishonorable mention for Quisling collaboration with the Bushlings. Your on-air journalistic excretion reeked so bad that it woke my dog Dexter, who was sleeping under the house. Hey, Arnot, ain’t you got any pride, boy, or are you and that Yankee Bush two of a kind?

I know, I know, you’re just following orders – that’s what the Nazis always say, and what the folks afraid of the Nazis always say, too. Which kind are you? Hey, the Nazi idea brings me to the immense subject of that fat Hermann Goering of an MSNBC chief editor (don’t know the boy’s name, don’t care to). He keeps giving “interviews” to his own talking heads, which really means he’s just doing mental masturbation, because they only ask ‘im what he wants ‘em to ask.

Hey field marshal, I used to write the editorials for Steve Wasserman at the Post/Newsweek NBC station in Houston, KPRC. He read ‘em on the air, and he called ‘em editorials! Shit, you’re presenting editorial as if it were really news interview, and that’s as bogus as it gets. If you want to be a big man… Oops, my mistake; you are a big man! Let’s try again, and I’ll make up a word for you by way of atonement: If you wanted to be magnanimous instead of just magnicorporeal – you’d call your stuff editorial outright!

Anyhow, seeing as how it’s near the winter solstice, and I indulge nostalgic notions of charity at this time of year, I’ll end with a pat on your bountiful back: I’m glad you ain’t ashamed of the way you look, fatty, ‘cause ol’ Wasserman was a bit tender about his ugliness. Congratulations for overcoming any feelings of embarrassment and proudly sharing your huge asset with folks back home!

Captain May

Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4