Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3

 

September 2, email to Bob Moos, editor, Dallas Morning News

I’ve attached the other two op-eds I just told you I would send, and I’ll leave you alone until you get in touch with me or I have another mini-chapter for you.

Was I blunt in calling Senator Hutchison dumb?  Shucks, I didn’t mean it in a general sort of way, so I take it back.  I was just feeling a bit slighted that you said you had twenty op-eds pending that were just like mine, but that you were running Senator Kay’s stuff on Iraq tomorrow.  She’s a fine lady, as far as I know (I’ve met her a couple of times, but who hasn’t?), it’s just that she doesn’t know jack about anything military, so when you say you’re running her piece for escalation over my piece for prudence you’re placing the advice of those who want to send another division to Iraq over the advice of an expert (myself, humbly) who wants to retreat.  Yep, I’m the definition of someone who lacks what the prez calls moral conviction:  I don’t aspire to risk the Army to save Iraq, or screw Iraq (whichever view you take).

Talk to you in a month (unless you call me or someone official calls you).  The two op-eds are below.  The first is entitled “Private Jessica, the media and the military,” and it details the military side of the PJ hoax – but that’s just a teaser.  The second inclusion is “3/7 Cavalry, tragedy and travesty,” which should win me all kinds of prizes (not that I care).  It argues that the Bush Team covered up the battle of Baghdad in order to subvert the First Amendment of the US Constitution.  I wrote the 3/7 Cavalry essay on April 13, by the by, and made the Chronicle sign for multiple copies of it, so they’re really, really nervous.  Every time I send them a new op-ed they all go on vacation.

Hey, you really ought to ask around about me.  Try my best friend and best man, Chase Untermeyer [telephone number omitted by Editor].  He was Asst. Sec. of the Navy for Reagan/Bush41, and he’s been following my theories since the day the camera blinked – except for the Arab cameras, but they got blown up – when the military said that Baghdad wasn’t the story any more.  He’s going to look like the only honest man in Athens under the lamp of my Diogenic cynicism.  You might also try Paul Burka and Mimi Swartz of Texas Monthly.

Two last things, then I’m gone.  I’ve already seeded the DMN with the same stuff that scared the Chronicle over the long weekend, as well as other media great and small.  I’m a media pro, so I take care of all my friends.  Right now they are beginning to compare the emails, letters, essays and phone transcripts that make up my pending investigative classic, if the pending Congressional hearing doesn’t slow things down.  It will make bigger news than Watergate, my publisher promises.  We’ll see – both of us, that is, because you, Bob Moos, and the Dallas Morning Herald through you, are now a chapter.  See ya at the investigation.  I’ll either be wearing my dress blues with medals, or my black belt.  You’ll know me either way, because I’ll be one talking to Congress.  It won’t be hard.  This book is my memorandum.  Welcome.

Captain May (attachments)

 

Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3