Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2
Gentlemen:
I write to defend the honor of the Army wife, Mrs. Candance Robison, whom you - Mr. Hannity - insulted and threatened on the air last night as you and Mr. Colmes sat and watched without rising to her defense.
She wasn’t there to grind a
media axe, and she’s not a pro. She was
just concerned and sincere. She said it
seemed like things in
Mr. Hannity,
she said every thing that you and every other talking head in
Call me sentimental and Southern, but I think she deserved respect.
You did not treat her as she deserves, and she was braver than you know not to have wept when you called – twice – for the commander in chief to retaliate against her through her husband. You engaged in blatant McCarthyism on national TV, and now you’re in my digital book, instantly on the web, gathering momentum by the minute until the hardback pops you out of your seat. I dearly wish I were there to tell you all that I have written in person. I dearly wish it. I will tell you that there are tears in my eyes as I write and reflect on the insult you have done Lieutenant Robison’s wife in his heroic absence to do his duty while you live a swell life. I feel as if you have outraged one of my own family.
I was one of those 125 you mocked for showing up to Crawford this weekend, and at the end of this letter I will append a few op-eds to show that the kind of moral conviction you and fellow neo-Nazi Bill Bennet preach is simple stupidity. Boy, you should have sold snake oil or stayed in Congress, because you have insulted a pure mother and wife and are now on record for it.
I guess your Yankee ass has no
idea that down here in
You smile a lot. Are you still smiling, Mr. Hannity? Good.
Saturday I was a bit busy at the
Peace House. They don’t know what to do
with me, because I’m a black-belt running an anti-war campaign against the
suppression of the First Amendment, while they’re a peace movement. But they listen to me,
I’ll say that for ‘em. They listen and listen and listen – and they
laugh. I gave a talk for the cameras and
crowds and had dozens of ‘em rolling at how much you
Yankees think you can hide. It was the
best show since Will Rogers, let me tell you.
I read an op-ed to all 125 of those glorious patriots (it’s attached)
that the Houston Chronicle doesn’t have the balls to run even though the piece
is nothing but the restatement of the last three op-eds
I’ve published in the Chronicle. They articulate the following thesis:
Didn’t your camera crew catch my
speech? Naw,
they were too busy farting around in the van.
Like the prez and you, they are Yankees, and
like y’all, they hide when it’s hot.
Well, boy, things are plenty hot in
Hey, I’ll tell you what, I’ll
reactivate my commission if you’ll enlist for some combat. I’ve already tried to do it after 911, I even
went to my best man and best friend, Chase Untermeyer,
(a Bush family friend and former Asst. Secretary of the Navy for Reagan/Bush),
and asked him to pull strings to get me into the Marines or the Navy. It was
There shouldn’t be any problem
now, though, should there? I think my
tendency to settle things quickly is just what they’re looking for at present. How about we go into a Special Forces unit,
where we can get up close and personal with the folks you’re so brave about
from
In Crawford I met one of your Fox homegirls, Courtney Wells, your White House Producer. She and I spoke a bit, and I left a most interesting report with her. She read it and passed it up to network, which means you’re badly positioned if you don’t know about it, because you’re only one of dozens of pukes whom I’ve caught up in a real-time investigation of media cover-ups.
Like what? (Still smiling?) Like Jessica.
Like the body count. Like
I am utterly ashamed of you for
subjecting that dear woman to your bullying.
She is in her grief, loneliness and fear for the future of her family,
like Hector’s wife Andromache. How could you? In the history of the Texas Revolution, there
was an incident in which a Mexican artillery officer bowed his guns rather than
fire on a
I will be waiting to hear your apology to Mrs. Robison, the wife of First Lieutenant Robison, who has done and continues to do his duty, even if that means telling the sad truth, and being attacked by worms like you for it. Should anything amiss happen to him, I will hold you personally accountable.
I now address myself to Mr. Colmes:
I believe you will understand my anger with Mr. Hannity, especially when I relate to you that, although a bit busy in Crawford, I took the time to meet Mrs. Robison for the simple reason that she is the honorable wife of a man serving his country. I offered her any assistance and protection I could in Lieutenant Robison’s absence. She thanked me for and accepted my offer, and she was kind to me and every other person there as she went through the media event that was utterly foreign to her. I believe her honesty and integrity pervaded the whole day.
She is a gentle, courageous woman who doesn’t see the big picture of what I see as a former general staff officer. She is one of the snippets that trail across the national consciousness, then disappears. She is a pawn in a propaganda war that you gentlemen of the media sold your souls to contrive. She had no idea that Mr. Hannity would twice call for the commander in chief to notice that her husband was not busy enough. The threat was so plain, so utter.
Perhaps he would prefer to attack their daughter. Here, I’ll help denounce the whole family by describing her: Grace is five or six, sweetly sad and missing her father. I shook her little hand, let her feel the leather of my knuckles, and entertained her for a whole sixty seconds with cane-twirling tricks. Grace has long blond hair, moves nimbly, and played peek-a-boo with me in the front yard. She carried a sign that said “Bring my daddy home.” I suppose she needs a little of Mr. Hannity’s lash, too.
I gave my word that I would protect the family of Lieutenant Robison, Mr. Colmes. I also took an oath, as a young man, to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Could I do less than challenge Mr. Hannity, who threatens a defenseless woman? Not with my honor. There’s a certain Spartan phrase: “With your shield or on it.” I live by that, and all true patriots do.
So now you tell me, Mr. Colmes, just what the hell happened to you? You just sat there, watching a witch hunt,
silent as
I know this is all a bit harsh sounding, gentlemen, but I don’t have the kind of detachment that is the hallmark of your profession, and I can’t stand it when the Fox is pretending to guard the henhouse of our rights. That woman was using her first amendment rights before the public, and the kind of bullshit you did (and allowed) in return is straight out of the playbook of King George – and I mean both King George the Third and King George the Forty-Third!
What the hell is wrong with you? Do you guys think he’s tough just because he’s had a few folks assassinated recently? Look out boys, you’re not fucking with Dr. David Kelly, the Arab media, or an innocent young patriot named Rachel Corrie.
Captain May, op-eds attached.
Re: SOS to United Nations, World Bank
Fear not, “Eric.” The good Lord is with thee. Just read Revelations 19:19!
You quote the best of all field manuals to me, little Loco de Wacko. I shall forgive you – this once – for using my first name. Keep up the good work, including encouraging me. It’s been a long time since anyone though that I might be scared, too. God bless you, boy.
Captain May
PS: Read my letter to Hannity & Colmes (Fox), and encourage anyone who will read it to call or email Fox network. You can email hannity@foxnews.com or colmes@foxnews.com. Keep it legal. Don’t say anything outrageous to discredit your unit, Ghost Troop, 3/7 Cavalry, of whom I have determined you are a scout, best left to his independent judgment, under the standing orders you have written on the web site. Now say a prayer for me, for I am going to attack again.
One of the many things my fight it for is freedom of speech. I'm a hypocrite if I say he can't send this letter. Plus, I kind of like someone sticking up for me. I think I was too nervous to catch on to any of what Captain May pointed out. Send him my biggest thanks for being my hero.
Candance
Ma'am, I simply did for you what the fine soldier who is your husband would have done for my wife, were I the one out of country doing my duty. It was an honor to be of service. Please give my compliments to your daughter Grace and First Lieutenant Robison.
Captain Eric May
Dear Mrs. Robison, I believe that what is
written below sums up what we talked about.
It’s a summary, not a script, so please change things (or throw them
out) to make it what you want to say:
“Gentlemen, I did not believe that I would endanger my husband by appearing on your show to talk yesterday, and I did believe that I would be treated kindly. It appears that both my beliefs were unfounded. I feel betrayed.
“Before I went on the show I had to vomit from my nervousness, and this was when I had Mr. Hannity’s promise that he would be polite to me. You can’t imagine how I feel now, since he has singled my husband and his unit out for the attention of President Bush.
“Today I talked to Mike, and he told me two things that were equally upsetting. He told me that yesterday a man was blown in half, something he’ll never forget, and that this morning he was called in by the battalion commander, who acted like he had no idea that the things I said on your show were the way things were. Mike and I know differently, though. Everyone in his battalion, especially the commander, knows the truth.
I’m afraid that my husband may now be getting set up for hazardous duty, so that Mr. Hannity can brag that now there are more effective troops in Iraq because the soldiers whose wives speak out are always sent to the front. That will be a good way of keeping other wives from speaking the truth, won’t it? I believe that the reason I was brought on the show was to intimidate me and anyone who might tell the truth the way I have.
Please apologize on the air
tonight and assure me and all the other frightened Army wives that you do not
mean to threaten our husbands in