Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2
Yo, Candy! Captain May here. Man, did you take fright when I said that you would have to answer to Congress for fucking with the truth? You zigged and you zagged like the best of ‘em, I must say. I hung up on you and you called me back to squirm some more. Look, babe, you may be able to get by acting like a piece of, well, candy for your bosses, but I’m not in the mood to play.
Anyhow, you’re such a minnow in the sea of turpitude that I would have thrown you back, had it not been for your making a single mistake: You asked for my name and my organization. Ah, so Candy carries the McCarthy cane: If someone gets out of line, a call to their bosses sets ‘em straight!
Let me tell you about my boss: she is my wife, and my lawyer, and Mrs. May to you. She pays me twenty dollars a day to write articles, poems, essays and books. She is the only person I take money from. You see, I’m a kept man, and I’m worth every penny of what I get every day! In fact, just for standing up to a host of quasi-Nazis like you, I’m going to demand a raise. Nowadays Mrs. May is so proud of me that I believe I will soon be making twenty-four dollars a day. That’s a dollar an hour whether I’m awake or asleep, and that’s plenty for me! How much do you get for selling Candy?
Since I’ve been in the final rout phase of my counter-psychological campaign to bring out the truth, I’ve heard all of you guys squeal like pigs in a slaughter house. Well, you know what, babe, so did my men when they died, and you didn’t give a fuck about them, did you? Nope, you talked to me on the phone and received my report – it’s all documented. You have defined yourself and your career. If you ever hold another job as a journalist it will be a mark of shame for your employer; if you ever hold a job as a journalism teacher, it will be a sin.
PS: I’ve attached the info you shit-canned as soon as you realized that you weren’t supposed to investigate it. Enjoy, and tell your lawyer (whom you’d better get pronto) to enjoy it, too.
Gentle Reader, I received the following from the self-important Candy who made a grave mistake in failing to call me captain. Were it not for the insult thereby inflicted on the ghosts of my command, I would turn the other cheek, but they have turned the other cheek for far too long. Besides, her letters give me a marvelous chance to dissect a Nazi mind.
Here we go.
As your captain was writing the email to Candy that you’ve already read, the dandy Candy was feeling randy, so she decided to get frisky with Captain May by sending him an email to end his attempts to advance the truth according to the dictates of the First Amendment. It was as coercive and McCarthyistic as I said anything from the woman would be:
Re:
Mr. May,
Please stop all contact with our
station. Further harassment, whether by
phone or email, will result in legal action.
Sincerely,
Candy Morgan
ABC 22/FOX 28 News
Yep, my pointing out her complicity was harassment. I was impressed by the immediate reflex of the self-defensive journalist to strike out using the threat of government powers. This ain’t the Vietnam-era newsfolks, ladies and gentlemen. These are information professionals, and the difference between them and government can be threadbare. In fact, as in the case with Lieutenant Colonel Gordeon Fowkes (U.S. Army, ret.) of the University of Houston/Channel 24 media demonstrates, it can be nonexistent. This has been, of course, the hazard of my antiwar: They threaten and threaten until they feel threatened enough themselves to strike out, and their strike can be fatal. You ask who? Well, this book is full of them. Every one of them has used whatever guile or intimidation they thought could advance or protect their careers. Candy Morgan was just a little more direct, that’s all. That’s why she’s going to be a little more fun. She thought that she was the ancient horror Charibdis, but she was really just another whore who sucked.
Anyhow, after she had read the email that pointed out her Nazism, she really surprised me.
Re:
email, “Oops! There goes your
career!”
1400, email from Candy Morgan, ABC 22/Fox28
News,
You seem to have a distorted take on our
conversation. I am not afraid of you or
your threats. The media is not listening
to you because you are coming across sounding and acting like a crazy man. I answer to a higher being, Mr. May. I hate to break it to you, but you are not
that being. With that in mind, good luck
with your campaign.
No signature