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December 29, Email to Houston Chronicle Editorial Board

Hey, y’all, it’s your favorite op-ed writer getting back in touch!  I’m not so mad at you guys anymore (couldn’t care less, really) and seeing how it’s almost the new year and I’m settling up old affairs, I just thought I’d contact each of you, the affected parties, and make sure you had copies of my correspondence to you.  (It’s attached as the Houston Chronicle Letters).

Chase Untermeyer, my best man, just called, and he’s fretting that Thom Shanker (my little buddy), the Chief Pentagon Correspondent for the New York Times, ain’t my friend any more!  Haw!  Haw!  Haw!  Folks, you’ve got it all wrong!  Thom’s a good friend, and he’s done me a big favor!  In the letter he sent me December 23, his silence was deafening!  He refused to deny my allegation about the Battle of Baghdad.  I’ll put his non-denial below this note, so you can see how to write your replies.

Too bad I had to do your job by publishing the story at all, but I guess it was fitting that things happened that way.  Heck, David (un)Langworthy told me back in July that y’all were taking your orders from the White House, and couldn’t tell the truth about the hundreds of unreported dead U.S. soldiers from Baghdad.  Denials?  Watch out what you deny, boys and girls, ‘cause the cap’n made tapes…  And Francois Michel said that y’all weren’t willing to take any chances when it was my story, and y’all didn’t stand to make either reputation or money from telling it – and in fact, that having repressed it on orders from Hearst and the White House, you hoped it would never come out!  Denials?

Naw?  Didn’t think so.  Thank you all for helping me to prove that the American media was embedded and collusive in the matter of cover up of the Battle of Baghdad, April 5-9, and that each of you hid behind Jeff Cohen, Frank Michel and David (un)Langworthy when your country needed you to do your duty as American journalists.  You didn’t hide merely because you are hopeless cowards, but because you are heartless careerists.  [Editor’s emphasis]  Well, here are your names (alphabetized for the records):

Veronica Bucio, James Campbell, Jeff Cohen, Bill Coulter, Andrea Georgsson, James Gibbons, Richard Johnson, David (un)Langworthy, Jack Loftis, Frank Michel, Judy Minshew, Clyde Peterson, Jack Sweeney.

I’m sending this message (with attached Houston Chronicle Letters) to my cadre of 100 Gentle Readers, and my webmaster has posted them on the internet.  Know what?  For being in business a bare week, you’ll be happy to know that my site has received over 10,000 hits – up from a mere couple of hundred the first day!  I think I made the best holiday surprise attack since Washington crossed the Delaware!  You and your ilk (the Royalists of King George) are all screwing off because it’s the holidays, but the youngsters (you know, the ones who are starting to think the war might grow) are home from college – and on the internet to find interesting sites.  I’ve been going to chat rooms, I’m pleased to say (a bit uncomfortable, but I’m flexible when I’m on a mission), and have managed to network the site to several European and Asian countries.  No South America or African contacts so far, but it’ll come…  It’s truly an on-line book (though a bit short so as not to strain the public).  I’m very proud to have created a WMD (weapon of mass deduction) to terrorize traitors like you!

Hey, pass this on to your publishers at Hearst – you don’t want them to get it from anyone else but you, the (proximate) responsible parties.  And as for the op-eds (published and unpublished) cited in the letters, don’t worry, they’re all at my website, along with a couple of letters for you guys – you’re becoming famous, take my word for it!  Did any of you ever realize that it was you journalists that I was talking about in my book title, April Fools, Captain May?  No?  Well, April Fools,

Captain May

PS:  See you at the investigations – I’ll be wearing my black belt with my dress blues and medals.

PPS to prez:  Hey Boy George, Frank Michel wanted to collaborate on a book exposé on you – when the coast was clear.  Says he knows you well enough – and he and David (un)Langworthy have plenty of stories to tell!  It seems like a lot of my media friends want me to be their (future) co-author.  Would you kindly stop using black ops on journalists (and sources) so that I can get busy with my next book?

 

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