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August 28, email to Courtney Wells, White House Producer, Fox News

Hey home girl, sorry we didn’t get to talk more the other day in Crawford.  I’m the guy who was dressed in black pants, a black tee-shirt with a “Flying Dragon Tae Kwon Do” logo over my heart, and a brass US Cavalry belt buckle.  I’m Captain May.

I hope you kept the WMD report I gave you, because it actually did have some new weapons of mass destruction tidbits in it, but for the most part it was a weapon of mass deduction.  Yep, forget the bad pun:  It was a matter of pulling Sherlock Holmes off the shelf, filling a calabash pipe, and figuring out what was real by getting rid of what wasn’t.  You could have done it yourself, I’ll bet.  In fact, you still can:

I’ve written you into a press release/email/letter of complaint that Messrs. Hannity and Colmes got – along with a few dozen media entities in the most various categories.  It’s circulating in the internet right now.  I’m afraid the informational walls that the media has been plugging up for the government about Iraq are tumbling, and your name is tumbling right through the middle of it.  Be careful for the rubble and the rabble, darlin’.

Tell you what, I’ll fill you in on a little bit of what I’ve been doing since y’all were out there in the news van.  You’re in the middle of it somewhere, just keep reading – or don’t.  Ciao.

Captain May

PS:  Can you tell me who that nice young man from CNN was?  I was talking to him from the porch swing of the Peace House, where I was playing guitar badly, but explaining cover-ups very well.  There were independent filmmakers there.  I think that the way Michael Moore operates has persuaded a whole generation of teens (the real root of culture) that in-your-face-journalism is the real deal…

Anyhow, I kinda joked with him from the porch for a minute by telling him that I would tell him a secret for free.  He waited.  I told him that I bet I knew why Victoria Clark and Ari Fleischer boogied on Boy George:  because the truth about Iraq ain’t gonna do anyone’s careers any good.  He shook his head yes, then looked at me kinda scared, like I was a ghost.  All day long I could tell that he wanted me to tell him what I knew, but he didn’t.  It’s just as well.  All day long wouldn’t have been long enough, I assure you.  If you see him, tell him you and him are my Crawford buddies, and that either of you can call me at (telephone number omitted by Editor).

 

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