Ghost Troop Home
Page April
Fools Part 3
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. Bob, David, Frank, Jeff, forget the deal in one case, and the offer in the other. I started being nice too soon, and I didn’t need to. I’ve managed to undermine the staffs of both your papers while you were on vacation, and some are waiting, while others are cooperating. Your offices are much sought after. You’ll have a new one, though, with nice men in uniforms to keep you safe and orderly. You’ll notice that I’ve inserted that idea into the investigation twice now, and it’s hell to have a blockbuster book call for your imprisonment twice (Ooops! That makes thrice!) I’ve also flanked you by hitting neighboring papers to set you up with them. There is plenty of money to be made when a big paper implodes and the editors are off for a long vacation. Knives are being sharpened! (Ooops! Passive voice! Sorry!). Here, how ‘bout I fix my own stuff (I’d better get used to it, I s’pose): Knives have been sharpened! There, that’s still passive, put it’s in the past tense, which is appropriate, considering present careers.
Bob, I never met you, but I appreciate your position. You are a paid coward who can be buffaloed. You remind me of Francois. Are y’all the same rank? I’m sorry I have to retract the offer you and I and a few others talked about, but I don’t need you any more. I was just fishing until I had my real collaborators, and they are beneath you in the power structure. Man, when folks got hold of what I sent them this weekend… You boys should work as hard as your junior journalists, and not leave them around to get briefed by an expert in your absence. I suppose it’s only fitting that you plutocrats got busted on the Labor Day weekend.
The Chronicle, surprisingly, was the more difficult, but then, they had been working at subverting the First Amendment since April 5, the day I told Frank Michel that it was his duty as an American to pick up the phone and call the White House about the cover-up of the Battle of Baghdad. Old Francois the Fox found out it was true, and even horned in on the part of my op-ed that dealt with the sideshow of Private Jessica. Anyone who knows him will know I’m talking the truth when I say he’ll be written down as the next Benedict Arnold. Where? Here. You’ll see at the end, and you’re almost there, believe me. I’m just surprised that your close colleagues didn’t support the cover-up better.
Bob, I’m writing you into the book lately, but thoroughly. (Was that sentence grammatical? Never mind.) You remind me of Francois with your damn whining and weaseling. If you, Frank and David would just admit that you’re spineless sacks of shit who can’t do your jobs as journalists, you could go get work you can handle. Making license plates isn’t what you had in mind though, was it? I’ll come and visit you boys in prison, though. Count on it.
Well, you’re thoroughly hooked now, unless you want to squeal on each other. I have both of you on record for receipt of the op-ed “3/7 Cavalry, tragedy and travesty”, so that means both of you colluded in an “extraconstitutional” activity. If you’re not ready to rat yet, then just keep digging deeper. I laugh while I watch, believe me, and a thousand people will have laughed along with me before you get your asses into the office.
Yep, boys, I’m self-networked and simultaneous in the
heart of
I know you hate being put together in the same email like this, but it makes for a wonderful document, wouldn’t you say? (Are y’all on a conference call yet? Say hello to the lawyers, boys.) I know the chapter headlines are as stale as the shit on your pages, but I’ll get around to writing some sweet headlines before printing. For now I’m trying to keep the facts straight for the legal beagles of the American People.
You’re about to see real landslide victory, boys. Just look up.
Captain May