Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2
Certified
letter of authority
Dear Dr. Pesikoff,
Thanks for suggesting the practical business of the notes and recollections you have regarding my case. In the event of my death, kindly release my entire file to anyone who is interested.
To give credit where it’s due, your skepticism about the president helped me take a good, long look at his personality. I think the following observations about George W. Bush deserve note:
1. The Bush Dynasty rests on his shoulders.
2. He has a grudge against Saddam Hussein, who tried to assassinate his father.
3. He thinks he’s Shakespeare’s Henry V, making up for an ill-spent youth with a bellicose reign; but he’s acting like Richard III, who ruthlessly disposed of anyone impeding his power.
4. He thinks he’s George Washington, saving his country; but he’s acting like George III by tyrannizing it.
5. He
thought he’d be called another George Patton for charging into
6. He is, like me, a dry alcoholic who has found something to keep him focused. With me it’s tae kwon do and writing. With him it’s power plays and politics.
7. He is a born-again Christian who received his power in the Millennium through his brother’s intervention. It’s a story worthy of the Old Testament, and a powerful affirmation of his belief that he is destined to lead us against Islam, which he may identify as the religion of the Antichrist.
8. What he calls the Global War on Terror is an attempt to enforce global security through global domination. It is World War Three in his mind, and he’ll make us mind him in fighting it.
9. If he causes a world war he may view it as a fulfillment of the Revelation of John in the battle of Armageddon.
Starting with these personal reflections, I have investigated his character further through his acquaintances and intimates. I have until now kept their names private, but believe that, given the frequency of my calls and meetings with them, they are safer revealed than concealed:
Chase Untermeyer, who was the best man at my marriage to Mrs. May. Chase worked for the Reagan and Bush White Houses and is an intimate of the Bush family.
Paul Burka, who edits Texas Monthly Magazine and believes the Bush Team is capable of murder. In a conversation in early April, I confided to him that I believed the “collateral damage” deaths of Arab journalists covering the Battle of Baghdad were assassination. “That sounds like Bush” was his reply.
Frank Michel and David Langworthy, both editors for the Houston Chronicle and associates for over ten years. Both men have confided to me that then-governor Bush was a bully when it came to the media, and that his team had bullied them on occasion.
From my conversations with these men I have learned the following specific character traits about the president:
1. He is the shortest man in his family and is self-conscious about it.
2. He
affects a
3. He is immature and reaches decisions without much prior consideration.
4. Once he has made up his mind he is headlong and unswerving.
5. He takes opposition to his decisions personally, and retaliates.
I’ll continue to develop these ideas here and there. I hope you’ll agree with me that the commander in chief has some interesting issues. Is this the stuff of an interesting paper?
The manuscript I’ve sent you is intact, minus my road trip letters, which contain little relevant information.
Eric