Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 3

Septemeber 23, 0700, email from Ellin Marten, Time Magazine

Hi, I am not blocking e-mail. Unfortunately, I'm only here two days a week, so I have little time for anything other than the weekly issue's deadlines.

I had asked you for a boiled down version of what story you're trying to pitch. You must be concise. I floated your Wesley Clark theory to one Nation editor, who was not interested--and turns out Clark went Dem after all.

Since I am tied up with deadlines on my tight schedule, suggest you call our Washington buro [sic] directly if you have a CONCISE story pitch.

September 23, 0730, email to Ellin Marten, Time Magazine

C'mon, Ellin, who gives a damn if I was right or wrong about Clark running as a Democrat or a Republican? That whole angle was called PSYOPS, darlin'; and it was a Trojan horse to get you media types to open the mail and read the documents that tied you to the cover-up of the Battle of Baghdad. Here's the line from the Clark letter you read that gave you (and him) the hint:

"Maybe one day we can compare notes on feints, attacks, deception, psyops (it' s all psyops, alas).”

There, I've emphasized it in bold this time – get it? Don't be coy about Baghdad, 'cause I don't believe in innocent little media girls just trying to do their jobs on a tight schedule. The Clark letter set forth Baghdad, dummy, and the other attachments in the email laid it out for you in detail. Not that a damn bit of this was news to you: The last time I called (to let y’all know that the RNC had tried to suppress the report and its allegations), y’all blew me off totally, referred me to your Dallas bureau because it was a Texas story. I was operating under an alias, so y’all didn’t know that you were just implicating the magazine more than ever.

You guys should have stuck to mediocre journalism, instead of selling yourselves out to become bunglers in PSYOPS. [Editor’s emphasis, in all cases] You’ve lost your center; you have no method; you have become a public affairs flunky trying to explain away the truth and your utter failure to follow it.

So you have the temerity to dis my PSYOPS (even as you fall prey) and double-dis the story of my slain brothers of the 3/7 Cavalry and the Battle of Baghdad? Why in the hell are you asking me to cook it down any further? All right, since you’re afraid you’re going to wind up waiting tables, I'll indulge you, 'cause I really don't like to threaten the careers of nice girls like you:

First story: The Battle of Baghdad occurred April 5/6/7, and was covered up by an unConstitutional deception operation. Media and the military both started out doing the right thing -- keeping real-time info from the enemy with the Private Jessica deception; but they ended up doing the wrong thing -- keeping crucial information from the public after the need for operational security was gone. You probably think that the information has a valid security classification, but you’re wrong. The result of your complicity? Bush got a free ticket to commit more stupidity, the dead got desecrated, and y'all got a bigger part of the FCC pie in May (which I believe you'll lose again, when all is said and done). Concise enough?

How about one more story, just to show you piece-of-shit ghouls that I'm not fucking around: You, Ellin Martens, after receiving my allegations, danced the yellow fan dance. Do you know David Corn? I named it after him, and he's better at it than you – is he your hip, radical contact at the Nation? Result?

You're on the black list. There, all bolded, monosyllabic and (as you wished) concise.

While we’re at it, how about another tidbit: David Corn is on the black list, ‘cause you tried to impress me with his piece-of-shit rag that’s been hiding from the story even longer than you. You’ve ducked out for weeks; but he ducked out since I contacted him (several times) in April, then May, then June, then July… Believe me, I could go on with more of your heroes. Got another impressive media outlet you’d like to strut out to impress me?

I bet you think that Captain May is waging cruel Infowar. Well, you shouldn’t have declared that kind of war on your own nation, or I wouldn’t be wasting intellect on you. Believe me, I’d rather be reading Latin, jamming to Hendrix, or practicing long staff and hapkido. Have you ever thought about the fact that cowards like you have set up a tragedy for the Army in Iraq by subverting our Constitution? If you’d come clean when Baghdad went down, Boy George wouldn’t have had the poll numbers to fuck up so long, hundreds of boys and girls would be alive and whole now, and the Army wouldn’t be standing on the brink of disaster. (I know, you don’t have a clue…)

Tell you what, I’ll let you call me to discuss the real story by Friday (see, I'm a nice guy, 'cause I'm letting you fit saving your career into your busy week). If you want, you can tell Davy Corn that he has the same deadline. If you want to fuck him over, don’t let him know he’s on the list, and I’ll just leave him there. I know you guys don’t look out for each other, ‘cause you let the Bushling assassinate the Arab media in Baghdad and didn’t say a word. Any last words now?

And yeah, I know that the cell phone isn’t a secure means of communication, and neither is email, but I’ve been operating in the clear – and in the face of George XLIII – since April 8. I have arranged my will and my funeral, and I pursued the story y’all have run from like scalded cats. That’s called commitment, and it keeps me focused – on you, at the moment. It has carried me through so far – why not join the charge for truth, instead of cowering? Are you afraid that the prez is going to make you another David Kelly or something? What the hell, home girl, are you waiting to die from cancer? Post mortem eris cineres et fabula – when all is over, you’ll just be ashes and a story. Why not make it a good story?

And hey, just in case you feel like it, why not try writing me another note begging for mercy? I’ll include it, just like the last one, for posterity. I’ll chuckle as I reply to it, too.

Captain May

Commander, Ghost Troop, 3/7 Cavalry

PS: Alternate assignment for you and Davy to unlist from your enlistment: Find out why the Bushling is fucking with my brother officer, Captain Yee. Captain May sez that bullshit has the Dreyfus Affair written all over it (look it up). I’ve attached the updated list. Congratulations.

Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 3