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Page April
Fools Part 2
Gentle Reader,
I believe that now is the time for all to step forward, for we are patriots, after all, and shall prove it anon. Please distribute this report by any means you wish. Pass it from hand to hand, copy it, or email me and leave your email address.
I must make my invitation general by apologizing for specific insults. I am sorry, my Northern brothers. We’ve had sore feelings down here since you beat us, but we’ll put ‘em behind us. Won’t you ride with rebel cavalry just once – seeing as how this rebel is fighting for the principles of the Revolutionary War, not of the Civil War?
I will make one more attachment: Below are the rules of information that the Department of Defense is supposed to be following. Believe me, they are not. They and the media are collaborating to sucker the public into a military disaster. The word “draft” is beginning to be uttered in Washington, and our teenagers and twenty-somethings are about to discover that in the United States, SS means Selective Service. It is your duty as an American to demand answers, so start asking questions – loudly – of your elected and opinion leaders. Start raising hell over beers and coffee. The Founders of our republic rigged it to explode into civil dissent if anyone tried to be tyrannous. We started out by showing King George III that we were for real. It looks like King George XLIII needs a reminder. Talk your heads off, because free speech is the best defense against slavery!
You have become the ultimate info-artillery weapon. You are the rockets’ red glare, and you are fighting for our country! I congratulate you on your fortune. It will be “we few, we happy few” all over again, and you’ll tell a hyped-up version of your part in it to your grandchildren. You will be one of the patriots who fought the Second American Revolution. It will be a quick, bloodless victory. We shall achieve victory by epiphany! (Look it up, for God’s sake!)
Captain May