Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 3
Hey, prez, I called Chase
on the phone to tell him to ask you about
Please just make it white men, George, cause I don’t want to trouble the brother. Man, it will be just like the Matrix. The apartment is all ready for a surprise party. If you want talk, call my wife (and my lawyer) at [telephone number omitted by Editor], or call Chase at his office (you know the number), or call my shrink, Dr. Pesikoff at [telephone number omitted by Editor].
He’s a good Jewish shrink, and I highly recommend
him, straight up, no shit. The man’s a
regular mechanic of mental malfunction, and I swear by him. Last one I had was named Harvey Rosenstock, and he did me some good work, too. I don’t mind advertising a bit for ‘em. Hey, by the way,
don’t slip up and say Israelite when you mean Israeli; folks in the Arab world
are going to think that slip means the same thing as your “crusade” slip. Man, you don’t even have to say “bring ‘em on” to be saying bring ‘em
on. You’ve created the perfect climate
for a jihad, which is going to draw impassioned Moslem youth the way
Ever seen Plan 9 from Outter Space? Neither have I – it’s too stupid. My brother is a genius, so he finds meaning in stupidity, and he’s got it. He says it’s a delicious work of anti-genius. It’s kitsch – is that a Yiddish word, George? Never mind, I know, it’s not in the King James Bible. Anyway, your infowar has turned into a work of anti-genius, just like Plan 9 from Outter Space.
Prez, the Arab media is
setting you up big-time, only they aren’t going to hurt you to bring you
down. I think they’re pissed because you
assassinated some of ‘em in
I think it’s time to call for some support from Wyclef Jean (and I just did). I’ll keep playing Hendrix, though, Machine Gunner, a song that reminds me of the soldiers down range. I used to be one of them, and I guess I still am. They say that officers who have been enlisted are different. You were never enlisted, you pulled strings to get to play around with airplanes, so I can understand why you don’t give a shit about the soldiers. Nice people like you and all your prep school friends keep real cool about war. Wonder why? Do you think it’s harder to play hero in Iraq, where you’re holed up with piece-of-shit equipment that wasn’t designed for sustained desert operations, where you’re not getting your bullets, beans or band aids because “logistics” is a piece of shit concept from someone in echelons above reality?
Hey, consider this a media query: Any truth in the rumor that you got grounded for being an unsafe pilot? It would explain a lot, prez. It would explain your foreign policy.
The Arabs are going to hurt the soldiers downrange, or the folks back home. Your personal security is tight, and you’ve got your bunkers and fighter escorts, so you holler “bring ‘em on!” But the common folks serving at home and abroad become shit magnets. You know prez, it’s a good thing the media is kissing your ass, because otherwise they would let it slip that you’re a lousy leader.
I always use a Jewish shrink, and I always use a
Jewish lawyer, and after seeing you in action for three years, I’ve got to
swear: Jumping Jesus Christ I wish I had
a Jewish president. Yep, gimme General Clark!
Of course,
No, prez, “matrilineal” isn’t a nice word for motherfucker. Look, forget it, I was using too much vocabulary again. Matrilineal means to trace your lines by your mama, not your papa, dig? See, the General ain’t even Jewish, according to Jewish folks’ ways, cause his mama was a Christian woman. Ain’t it perfect, though? A candidate who has just the right expertise to get us out of the quicksand, a candidate for a time of crisis (which he saw coming as well as I did), and a candidate who is just about to announce against you.
Yep, it was all in the intelligence report I sent to
your boys in RNC Headquarters. I’ve got
to say, that piece of evidence even moved Chase, who has tried to stay straight
up neutral. I’m thinking that I’ve caved
your infoflank in.
I figure you meant to take me out the same weekend your homeboy Blair
took Dr. David Kelly out. Blair ain’t looking
so strong, prez.
I could have told you he’d bug out on you in the crunch. Shit, they ran a story on one of the shit
stations the other night talking about two battalions of Brits going into
What about the intelligence report? Aw, I was just going to let it slide, because I know you ain’t interested in military intelligence. Shit, you haven’t listened to any of it yet. I know that’s true because I couldn’t have outthought the Pentagon. I have nothing but respect for the stellar quality of generals, and they all know that if they know me at all.
Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 3