Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4

December 8, Email to Senator John Kerry

Dear Senator Kerry,

Good job with the verbal iconoclasm, which the networks are chewing over right now. You’ve kicked up a bit of a row, and Grandpa Nietzsche must be proud of you! You were right on target when you said that George Bush “fucked up the war.” You know, it’s about time that we got down to the nit and grit, beneath all the bullshit, and brother, yours were the words for these times.

I wish we had stayed out of the war in the first place, but I guess a lot of well-intentioned folks of principle (like you, of course) just counted on wise leadership from presidential headquarters when the president thought with his hindquarters! Well, you’re beginning to make up for it.

I thought we Americans had gotten rid of monarchy a long time ago, but here we are, making American History with a crazy man named George in charge, who inherited the job from his dad. Yep, and he’s trying to exercise colonial control of a far-away continent that’s tired of him. King George XLIII is just as crazy as King George III for trying the same failed war strategy. England was the world’s most powerful empire under George III, and expected to quickly occupy and control us. It didn’t work, though. [Editor’s emphasis]

How on earth did America of the year 2003 begin to act like England of the year 1776? Just who are we, and what do we stand for under this president? I think we were on the right side of history when we fought against King George, and we’re on the wrong side of history when we fight for him. I wish George W. Bush would imitate a better George – whose last name was Washington. That gentleman, the finest in our history, gave a farewell warning to the country he helped to begin when he left the presidency: Avoid foreign entanglements. Alas, George W. Bush didn’t read his history books very well, did he? He didn’t read the Constitution very well either, did he?

Well, a final word, then a gift. I use the F-word a bit myself, I’m told, but I promise to refrain from it all day long as a tribute to your rhetorical deed. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

Oh, the gift? Here’s a campaign couplet for you:

The prez F…ed Up the war in Iraq,

Now we’re Fed Up and we want ‘em back!

With folks starting to write and talk about the draft lately, it’s going to have more and more traction, believe me.

My compliments, sir,

Captain Eric May

PS: I’ll shout hooray! for you again if the Collaborative Houston Chronicle (a Bush trash bin) condemns you.

Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4