Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2
“Rush Analysis for Mr. Limbaugh”
Hey Rush,
I listened to you for a couple of years back in the old days. You were perkier than popcorn back then. You did “caller abortions” simulating suction devices, gave “gay updates” in which you chuckled at AIDS deaths and mocked minorities in general. Listening to you and the ditto heads was as much fun as joining a lynch mob, and I loved it for a while. You’re the best propagandist I’ve ever heard; and let me tell you, with a background in military intelligence, I’ve heard a lot of ‘em.
It’s not just that you are a crafty arguer, or that you have a certain disarming pomposity: You are a master of the airwaves, and could have made your mark in any broadcast format. You used radio as brilliantly as Josef Goebbels. You were as innovative as Leni Reifenstahl. I know you’re proud of yourself. You have been the head cheerleader of the Republican Right, and you have inspired a thousand Rush wannabes.
Today you started your three-hour broadcast with excerpts from the president’s first press conference in the last five months, and that kept you going for thirty minutes. But at around eleven-thirty (Texas Time), you went flat.
I remember only one other time like it: the day you spent the whole show gloating that the jury would convict O.J., then found out at the end of the show that you were wrong. You went flat then, too. That O.J. verdict sure did fool you, didn’t it, Rush? Do you feel like you’ve been fooled again, even worse than then? I bet you do.
For the last two hours of the broadcast you floundered from one stale monologue to another, seldom taking callers, and handling them badly when you did.
You said to one caller that his issue (the
You told your assistant, who probably asked what was wrong, that you had just discovered something so bad that he didn’t want to know about it.
You dropped the names Bush and Nixon in the same sentence – around ten times.
You said that sometimes things come crashing down and you just have to get up again.
You said that no one could attack your professionalism.
At the end of the broadcast you said that the president was still talking at the press conference, but that your Excellence in Broadcasting Network had turned off its mikes. In the last twenty seconds of your broadcast you remarked impatiently that you couldn’t wait to get through the last twenty seconds. You said you hoped your ditto heads had enjoyed the show, then you said you hadn’t. Then you said “adios.” Yep, you really did stink today.
The news from
Adios,
Captain May
PS: You slipped and used my word “quicksand” today. John Kerry used it last week. I’ve heard it on the lips of a TV personality or two. I came up with that word back on April Fools Day, and have continued to promote its use. Is it getting around, Rush, all the way to the Excellence in Broadcasting Network?