Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2

August 30, email to Loco de Wacko

Private Kenneth! Cease fire! Cease fire! Cease fire! You are wasting valuable intellectual firepower inflicting collateral damage on civilians! Fratricide is strictly forbidden! Do not kill the egos of anyone who is not trying to desecrate our unit by silence, or our country by sedition.

The issues of the day are far too great for you to be fucking around, Loco de Wacko. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Do you know what Master Yu taught me about breaking bricks with my hands? You can only do it if you have utterly decided to do it; you must focus all your physical and spiritual forces. Watch Star Wars, The Last Starfighter, or a dozen other popular films and you’ll discover that the wise mentor always says the same thing I’m saying.

Jesus uses a non-martial arts term when he instructs: He calls focus faith. Use whichever word works for you and desist from sideshows. Haven’t you watched Lawrence of Arabia all the way through? We must make for Damascus! We are part of a big push, whether we like it or not:

Wesley Clark is soon to attack the tyrant within the Republican Party. He has announced that he will announce by September 15. Let’s keep that date in mind and focus our force to support anyone who challenges the tyrant. He who is not against us is for us!

Hannity & Colmes are crumpling like the cowards they are. Last night they ran re-runs instead of daring to propagandize. We will crush their flank if you will focus with me. Candance Robison, the wife of Lieutenant Robison (in Iraq) will be going before a Congressional meeting in a week before Clark’s announced announcement. She and other military spouses are only getting called by their gutless representatives because we’re winning back the country!

The Houston Chronicle is twisting in the wind because I’ve implicated it in the collusion so deeply; the New York Times is holding its breath, waiting to be the first media whore to leap out of its compromised, embedded position and accuse the rest of low character; the Waco Tribune Herald is pinching itself to try to wake up from a bad dream.

Don’t you remember when I came to Common Ground, the counter-culture coffee club? I was looking for my jazz/rock freak nephew, Vincent. I love the boy; let me know if you see him. He’s six feet tall, twenty-six years old, and has a ZZ Top beard; he smokes pot.

Anyhow, I came there looking for allies at Baylor, the buckle of the Baptist Belt, and I found you and a few others. I put a document of great importance in your hands with instructions not to disseminate it until noon of the next day, and you complied – to the letter.

I didn’t choose you, Loco de Wacko, you chose me and my command, Ghost Troop. Now heed your captain: I want you to begin to cut and paste such parts of my manuscript as may serve your purposes and email it to media. Encourage others to do the same. Don’t label it “Captain May Reports” – that’s my line, and it announces the contents. Be inventive. Remember, all media is whoring for stories, always has, always will. Turn ‘em on with subject lines like: “Military rape allegations confirmed,” then plug in my stuff that relates to it. Turn ‘em against each other: “Fox will be hunted by Congress” – and make sure you send it to MSNBC, CNN, newspapers (pick your favorites), radio, etc.

Kay at the Peace House gave me a tip on Buzz Flash, a media list. Find it and use it as a target list. I want you to take anything of mine you want, add anything brief you have to say up front, and get it down range where it will do the United States the most good. We are waging a saturation infobombing campaign. Get a Congressional roster and start peppering Representatives and Senators. Just imagine yourself as Samson in the temple and start pushing pillars!

Get any and everybody you know to go for it this weekend. The Ottomans we’re fighting in D.C. and New York are off fucking off with their swell friends in Yankeeland, but the Coloreds and Crackers who are our brothers and sisters are dying in the desert! Remember Allenby’s command to his artillery chief before the “big push” to crumble the Ottoman southern flank in Arabia? “Pound them! Pound them!” Pound them Kenneth! Keep it Constitutional and clean, because the only missiles we need are missives. I told you when I met you a week ago that I was preparing to attack Crawford and begin the ROUT of the tyrannical conspiracy to subvert the Constitution. Must I repeat myself even to you?

Pound them, Loco de Wacko; pound them, Private Kenneth; pound them, Ghost Troop! We shall drive them from Damascus, then we shall go our separate ways. Most souls live lives of compromise, tricking for trinkets before shriveling into old age and worthless graves. When we die we shall have lived bravely and purely, if only for this one while and this one war. And, as Lawrence said, great even in his ruins: “That would be something.” “Yes,” replies his friend, “much.” Can’t you see it Kenneth? We are the revolt in the Infodesert, we are the same reckless Revolutionaries who created the country in the first place. Ten generations have come and gone since the last time we had a king named George in charge who inherited control of us from his father! Pound them! Pound them! Pound them! Make ready the way of the rout!

Captain May

Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2