Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3

 

September 1, 1715, email from Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

Dear Captn May,

I just sent in comments/questions to many of the big links I found at Buzzflash.com.  As a private, I disobeyed your order to copy and paste portions of your editorials & letters.  I felt my actions would better defend the Constitution.  What I did was compose my own message, based on what you've told me.  I hope the simplicity of my words will be effective.  I did take a liberty when I called you my cousin (per Genesis) and when I said you were wounded in action (but you cried, so...).  Here is basically what I said, which I copied from the first place I went – CNN.  I'd like to suggest that you advise the rest of 072003070312 to do like I did.  Also, I finished watching “Lawrence of Arabia" today.  I would like to promote you to the rank of Colonel and nickname you "Walter," but I don't guess you'd go along with that.  (Just tell me where to put the tiki skull! LOL)

TOPIC:  Private Jessica Lynch

ANY ADDITIONAL DETAILS YOU CAN SHARE WITH US?

Dear CNN,

My cousin - Military Intelligence - was wounded in battle.  When I saw him recently, he told me that the 3rd Division of the 7th Cavalry had been slaughtered at the Baghdad Airport.  This made sense, because I remembered that the coverage had shifted to the mysterious rescue of Private Jessica Lynch that whole weekend.  Really, I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this information, but he left me with many questions.  I believe what my cousin said.  Maybe you can help - in the name of Garry Owens.  I believe in Jesus Christ, the prince of peace and the good fight.  May He bless you as you help our country.

Kenneth Wood

ANY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS?

Do you know about the cover-up?  What can you tell me?

 

 

September 1, 1730, email to Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

Good job on the revision of the mission.  Now accept correction, private.  You weren't disobeying my orders.  You were using my foremost order and only intent:  that you use your abilities the best way you could to preserve the Constitution.  Don't get out of line Loco, just keep doing a good job like I told you to do.  Right?  CPTMAY

 

 

September 1, 1745, email from Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

Dear Colonel Kurtz,

Unfortunately, I have not run into Vincent.  Usually only go to Common Grounds for a couple of hours twice a week.  I will look out for him and ask him to call you if I make contact.  I hope your 072003070312 mission is a success, and I can understand your wishing to depart from our fellowship, once that is done.

G.O.

El Loco de Wacko

 

 

September 1, 1800, email to Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

What the hell is wrong with you, Loco?  Do you think that Captain May, who begged charity in the dirt for two weeks and then rode across the South in three for dead men, is the kind of man who does not honor a true friend?  Boy, do ten pushups, and email me an apology!

Once you’re mine, you’re mine, Loco.  It may be the devil’s own horde, but you’re as bonded as the Bloods and as caught up as the Crips.  Be at my house next Thanksgiving, and feast with me and mine.

Captain May

Commander, Ghost Troop, 3/7 Cavalry

PS:  Thanks for the Colonel Kurtz kompliment.  Dammit, that man knew how to focus!  Now go get me some media heads and I’ll let you watch me brain an ox with my long staff!  Let’s get primal, Private Kenneth!  G.O. and Go!

 

 

September 1, 1815, email from Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

Dear “April Fool”

Yes sir!  Captain May!  Did 10 push-ups sir (clapping too, like my Marine cousin "Rich" taught me).  I would love to join you for Thanksgiving, but unfortunately I lack a vehicle.  Let's plan to rendezvous in a few years for that, assuming we avoid federal detention.  When time allows, I plan to email many other media people, but I'm not sure what to say just yet.  So "Thy will be done" (Matthew 6).  I hope to be making Tiki skulls soon.  They'll never find me upriver from you on the Brazos!  (named after "Brazos de Dios").  Ku-does to Jesse Jackson.  I really think the economy is what will undo Dubya - tax breaks for the rich and "denial of service" attacks for the poor.

Private Kenneth

072003070312

 

 

September 1, midnight, email to Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

Good night, private.  We’re fighting well, and they’re moving, but the Army in Iraq needs Ghost Troop to continue its quest to be discovered.  King George covered up Baghdad to hide his incompetence, and by that very deed has empowered his incompetence.  The folly of the commander will be paid in the flesh of his forces.  It has always been so.  We must reveal the guarded secret that Bush is no more a commander than The Great Oz was a wizard.  Keep pounding the net, keep morphing the message.

There’s a jihad brewing over the hills, scout, and it’s time to bring the Army home before it breaks.  There will be hell to pay, but King George is a rich man’s son, and he doesn’t understand payment the way poor men do.  It is all a trifle to him.  He is Custer, Loco, he is Custer.  In “3/7 Cavalry, tragedy and travesty,” I predicted that he would be called George “Custer” Bush.  If only the free press had worked.  If only we had accepted on April 4 that the man didn’t have a clue what he was doing!

Think about this as you go to sleep, and wake with it tomorrow:  Be brief, be brilliant, be gone.  That’s light cavalry.

Captain May

PS:  Don’t tell me til morning or I’ll have nightmares, but what the hell is a Tiki skull?  Educate me, Loco.

 

 

September 2, 0030, email from Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

I was referring to the part in the movie when the Captain lands the P.B.R. and there are all these skulls on poles.  Kinda like a "tiki-torch".

 

 

September 2, 0715, email to Private Kenneth, el loco de Wacko

I want to share a few military disasters that have been going through my mind:  Emperor Valerianus lost his army and his life in the Middle East, from heat, pestilence and guerilla war.  Crassus (the runt of the first Roman triumvirate), went into the Middle East to make his reputation and ended up losing his army and life as well.  If you want to look for fictional examples, think of what the guerillas did to the imperial forces in Dune.  And above all, think of what the rag-tag Arab revolt did to the Ottomans.  It's the rigors of the weather combined with the religion of the people, and it's a military disaster of the first order just waiting to happen.

Bush is clueless and careless.  I am worried, Loco, because I know what happens to a fighter who has lost mobility and initiative, especially one, like us, who relies on those two elements.  We are like a black belt fighting a sumo wrestler.  Our strategy was to attack vital points for a quick victory; his is to absorb our splendid attack, spit out the blood and a couple of teeth, deal with the cracked ribs and broken bones we’ve inflicted…, and close with us.  As things stand now we’ve taken our shots at the Iraqis, and we're well within their reach.

The growth of the jihad movement in Iraq is going to be a cultural phenomenon outside the comprehension of most of us, who have nothing of the courage of those people, for we are invaders, and doubt our reasons now that our attack has failed to crush their will to resist, while they are defending their homeland, and their whole beings are focused on our destruction.  They will come from all the Middle East to Iraq the way the hippies came to Woodstock, but they won't be coming for sex, drugs and rock-n-roll.  They'll be coming to do their God's will, and they are willing to die to prove their sincerity.  Pray for us, Loco.

CPTMAY

PS:  Roger, now I understand the tiki skulls, Pvt. Kenneth.  Let's keep expanding the ring of them as long the enemies of truth lie about our dead comrades.  When they tell the truth, reason will prevail again and the public outcry will save the lives of our comrades who live and suffer in the desert.

PPS:  I understand (and am flattered by) your recommendation that I be promoted colonel – after this is all over you can take it up with Congress for the country, but I don’t get the Walter allusion.  Is it from Lawrence of Arabia?  I know the movie and book well, but I don’t recognize it.  Scare me again, Loco.  Explain.

 

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