Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3

 

September 5,  email to Bill Monroe & Ted Estess, Honors College

All right, gentlemen, I’ve already told you that I’m willing to speak about what I have discovered.  Now I’m going to make sure that you have the research that backs my claims, persistent and paranoid, that the government had crossed a line and that dark forces were loose in our country.

Did all that sound melodramatic back in April?  Does it now?  Yeah, it’s the kind of bullshit that David Kelly was saying to the New York Times:  “There are dark actors, playing dangerous games.”  Silly man, the media says he took a shitload of downers then still had enough focus to slash his artery clean through with the stroke of a knife.  Well, you can always trust reporters.

You know what, boys?  Call me crazy (and I know you do), but I’ll bet you all the money you ever made that you couldn’t slash all the way to your own arteries with just one slash.  I could though, know why?  ‘Cause it requires a high degree of focus, black belt focus, to slash an artery with one stroke, and to tell you the truth, Kelly didn’t seem that focused to me, especially not with barbiturates in him.  He was temperamentally like you foxes of the faculty, though he was true to truth, which lifts him beyond you by light years [Editor’s emphasis, in all cases].

You gentlemen have made careers writing books about people like Dr. Kelly, and Rachel Corrie, but you’re good compliant citizens of the Reich when it comes to standing up for them or yourselves.  What about Rachel Corrie?  She was assassinated March 16 on orders from Sharon.  Why?  Because Sharon wanted to run the pain-in-the-ass idealist American kids out of Palestine while the cameras were focused on Iraq.  Bill, don’t you remember that fuzzy essay you ran in the Crawling Chronicle after crackers dragged Robert Byrd to death behind a pickup in East Texas?  Has it ever occurred to either of you that the occupation of Palestine is as much a civil rights issue as segregation in Dixie ever was?  Ever think that Rachel might have been assassinated like the civil rights activists in the 60’s?

They said it was an accident of a clumsy bulldozer operator who was targeting a building but hit Rachel.  Yeah, right.  That’s a cover story for dummies like you two.  Captain May sez that Rachel was the target.  Do you know that she died pretty easy?  (For getting run over by a bulldozer, that is.)  Yeah, she was completely shocked, because Sharon had been careful with whiteys in Palestine before then, and she was sure that the dozer would stop.  If I had been there I could have told her in advance that it wouldn’t.  I believe she would have listened to me, because this is what Rachel Corrie was writing home from Palestine in those days:

“When I come back from Palestine, I probably will have nightmares and constantly feel guilty for not being here, but I can channel that into more work.  Coming here is one of the better things I’ve ever done.  So when I sound crazy, or if the Israeli military should break with their racist tendency not to injure white people, please pin the reason squarely on the fact that I am in the midst of a genocide which I am also indirectly supporting, and for which my government is largely responsible.”  (From Rachel’s letter to her parents, Rafah, February 27, 2003)

Yep, another problematic paranoid, just like me and Kelly.  Back to Kelly:  He was dead from the moment he was identified as an infoleak, and he knew it.  He had told a friend that he believed he would be found dead in the woods.  Smart man, Kelly.  Ted Estess and Bill Monroe smart, maybe even Captain May smart.  I’m just sorry he was delusional as well as suicidal…  I’ll bet his deluded mind imagined something like this right before he committed suicide:  Someone predatory approaches.  He freezes.  In half a second two or three of his joints are locked by martial arts techniques against which he had no clue, let alone any defense.  He is eased to the ground, unbruised but so pained that he begs and submits.  He won’t resist if he feels a needle entering into the hair of his armpits or his groin.  He won’t  resist if someone commands him to take an eyewash that is a drug.  He won’t resist if someone shoves a dozen pills into his mouth.  He won’t resist if someone drops his pants and shoves a suppository up his ass.  Any of these techniques are quite efficient for the administering of barbiturates.  A few moments, then the wits are dull.  The stroke of a knife, so deep that it cuts through skin, nerves, muscles, tendons, makes him smile, because with it the joint lock is released.  “Sweet release,” he must have thought, in his poor delusional, paranoid mind, as a shadow walked away from his open eyes, and his shadow fled to Hades.  What delusion!  Homeric in its dimension, I’d say.

Since Sharon and Blair have entered the killer club, where’s Bush?  Well, he’s doing fine.  He popped Al Jazeera in Kabul last year and popped ‘em again (along with other Arab media) in Baghdad.  Know why he zapped the last bunch?  ‘Cause they filmed and broadcast the Battle of Baghdad, dummies.  What Battle of Baghdad?  I never can get you people to think for yourselves:  The fucking battle that happened when you were watching the hoaxed up Private Jessica story!  The fucking battle that I was telling you had started with the 3/7 Cavalry getting blown off the Baghdad Airport.  By the way, I got the Arab media stuff from Dr. John Bernard (beatus sit), who actually took the time to compare notes with me on the somewhat important topic of a Middle Eastern war.  I’ve just checked it out since.  It’s true.

Ted, at about the time you said that my presence at the Honors College trailer park was pulling the value of real estate down, you told me that you were glad I had this to focus on.  Ain’t it a bitch, Ted?  You were saying the truth without knowing it.  I have applied considerable focus, and efforts you will not fathom when you read them.  I have been in the red zone since Sunday, April 13, when I spent the morning writing “3/7 Cavalry, tragedy and travesty,” then brought it to your house.  You got to the end and hooted out “Captain May!” with a bit of admiration at my balls.  At that moment I believe you understood why it is that I don’t wear shoes in public, but I wear a brass chain and brass nuts around my neck.  But it was only a momentary realization, not an epiphany.  Too bad.  You said that the essay was brilliant even if I was wrong about the 3/7 Cavalry, and that it raised important questions.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  So what have you done about the important questions?  Have you looked back at it since?

How about the April Fools essay I cooked up after you and Bill and I talked?  Notice how it’s coming true?  Do you know I wrote that piece to try to steal another piece of tail from Bill’s secretary, Missy.  Yep, tell her I said she was the queen of diamonds and watch her blush.  It was strictly ego and Eros, the two strongest forces in my soul.  She was my Eris, the little bitch.  Why do I call her that name?  Because she dissed me half a dozen times while I sat and sought charity, bleeding in my soul for the 3/7 Cavalry.  She couldn’t have given a shit less about a couple of hundred blown up crackers and coloreds splattered across the Baghdad Airport.  She was getting ready for grad school, she was a wannabe poet, and, imitating your aloof examples, she couldn’t sully her soul with swine like soldiers.

Well, in fairness she had better days.  She perked up pretty well there for a while when I recited a few poems I’ve written that flowed with real soul.  She asked me for signed copies, and rendered due tribute.  It was only when she realized that sleeping with talent didn’t breed talent that she turned shrew.

The last day I begged you trailer-park trash to help your country was Good Friday.  I showed up in my dress blues with my medals, but it was for my dead comrades, not for you.  I swept the deck between the trailers for the simple reason that it always needed it:  Aspiring intellectuals like your students trash their break area without care, and I thought that I should show proper gratitude to my alma mater before I left, even if I was being chased out.  After all, y’all had pitched in almost half as much as I paid in temporary parking permits in the two weeks I had sat, played sad guitar, and spoke with your students about pity and patriotism.

Missy walked by that last day, as I scooped up a bucket full of trash.  “Can you tell me where I can find a place for this?”  I asked.

“I believe that’s a military function,” she replied as she turned and walked off.

You know what, boys?  I can put up with a lot, but I’m not going to be dissed by a piece of tail while I’m wearing my dress blues for my boys.  Tell Melissa Ginsberg that she’s in the book, by name.  Tell her my wife’s a lawyer, puts up with my stupidities, and says that there’s no defense against truth.  That goes for you two, too.  And while you’re at it, ask her if she’s the one who stole the five dollar bill out of my 3/7 Cavalry collection while I was walking to hell and back looking for a place to take the trash.  I only had that one big bill, boys, and it was given to me by a black woman in my own hood, not by either of you or your snot-nosed brood, so I particularly resent the theft.

Shit, I’ll bet all of the Honors College didn’t throw in ten bucks (five, when you factor the theft).  The Mexican janitors and the black folks at the parking division were human beings, though, and that’s why I prefer colored folks.  The Mexicans would put aside their hand tools, listen to my pitiful little tune, and put a dollar or a handful of change in.  The parking folks tore up a ticket I’d gotten for parking in the wrong place when they saw my bucket, and the bunch of them threw in around five bucks.  Mad Mike (he’s white but I forgive him), the chain-smoking poet, never came by my spot without dropping change and having a cig while I dragged my stogies.  Tanya gave a buck.  One of your dumb-ass white boys dissed me so I told him that I was going to give him a martial arts lesson if he didn’t throw in a dollar.  He did it.  The day I collected the most money from your Honors brats was the day that I demonstrated weapons – that got ‘em interested.  Then I started showing them lethal martial arts techniques, a dollar per death.  Three more bucks in thirty minutes.  I figured it was a good experiment, and none of them will be able to remember the techniques anyway.  Yep, y’all set the standard.  The last college to get in line with the times so smoothly was Heidelberg in the 1930s.

Not that there weren’t more generous folks in Houston than I mentioned, though.  My Turkish friend Jay owns a local convenience store, which he works and works to keep solvent.  When I went to him on Easter to stock up on stogies for my ride the next day, we stepped outside to have a good luck smoke together.  I told him, my eyes misting, that my alma mater had only given my slain comrades twenty dollars after I had begged for forty hours.  He said no more, but excused himself to step back in the store.  He brought me back another pack of cigars, no charge, and just opened.  “I took one for myself,” he said as he stuffed it into my dobok above my black belt.  “Captain, be safe, and be careful.”  I offered to pay for the smokes.  “No way,” he said, “charity is one of the five pillars of Islam.”  What could I say but thank you?  When I got to the middle of Louisiana I decided that it was time to have a cigar.  I opened the pack he’d given me and found nine stogies, minus the one he’d taken out – plus a twenty dollar bill.  Yeah, I cried again.  I’m pretty pitiful for a martial artist and a captain.

On the road to Georgia I did better, though:  I gave a whore two twenties for an hour and a condom.  When we had finished we smoked a joint and talked without pretense.  You don’t have to kid whores, trust me.  I told her the story of the 3/7, then I saw tears in her eyes.  She told me she had a brother over there and started crying, and I cried.  She gave me one of the twenties back, and said it was for the boys.  We held each other a few minutes, dried our eyes, and never saw each other again.  Why can’t you people be as good as my Rahab?

A right-winger with a Confederate flag and a USMC tattoo was running a surplus store along Highway 80; he threw in a ten.

An arthritic old lady with a cigarette cough and a sense of humor talked with me at her laundromat as I washed my clothes at noon.  She threw in a five.

Welcome to the world of black operations and black hearts, gentlemen.  It’s a bitch, and it’s real, and yes, I told you so.  I told you, Ted, that I was Moshe the Beadle, right out of Night, and you stared stupidly.  Man, you’re in tight with the folks at the Houston Holocaust Museum.  You made a rep studying the Holocaust.  How could you collaborate with a new Holocaust.  Ain’t it a bitch?  Remember what you and the other profs always spouted:  In order for evil to triumph, it is necessary merely that good men do nothing.

Evil is triumphing, and if it doesn’t win it’s because the fuck-ups like me were willing to do your jobs.  Your students (and sons) may soon be fine infantrymen.  Just ask Captain G what happens when you’re studying humanities and a real war starts.  I should feel a little sorry for your brats, but it doesn’t come easy, since they didn’t feel sorry for their poor peers who didn’t have good high schools and college funds.  Nope, the poor kids are like I was:  they had to go to the Army to pay their own ways to an education – and along the way to that goal they had to go to Iraq.  Do you know what was the only time the Honors students really gave a damn about the pending war?  It was April 3, when I read them my April Fools essay and they realized that all kinds of shit can go wrong in a real war.  After that first scare they settled down, though.  Most of them bought the propaganda on the tube, even cheered when I told them I believed the president had ordered the assassination of Arab media.  Some of them were skeptical, so they went to the internet and checked the story out in Middle East media.  They soon told me matter-of-factly that I was right, and that papers from Morocco to Malaysia were giving specific US mortality numbers as high as 200 or general descriptions like “massive.”  It didn’t matter to them, though, because they were getting ready for finals, and the war was won.

It was all there in plain sight, and you pillars of profundity turned a blind eye.  Keep teaching your courses about Sybil’s and Cassandra’s who see and say.  “Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad,” you say to rooms full of kids who want to be wise and successful and fully human, just like they think you are.  Jumping Jesus Christ, that’s what they think!  How do I know?  Because I was one of them, once, in my strange fashion.  I’d just spent three years in the First Cavalry when I came to the Honors College in 1980.  I was the only high school dropout to enter that year, the only buck sergeant and the only person who had read all the classics you were about to teach – and many more – while sweating out my Army stint

Naw, I’ll save the rest of it for next time.  Turn off the computers and wait for the hardback if you want.  I’m sending you my essays from April Fools Day to present.  They are one of the sources of my book, as are letters like this that actually do the investigation, real-time, as the crime against the Constitution goes down.  If I have my way there will be Nuremberg Trials for those media and military who have colluded in the cover-up.  With this entry (and those that will come), I think you two gentlemen will be asked to explain why it is that one of your best and brightest students, a civic hero and media/military professional, couldn’t get you to do any thinking, any talking or any teaching about high crimes against our country.  I think you should start soul-searching now for why it is that you, Bill, refused to contribute a penny when I asked for charity for widows and orphans of our heroes.  Ted, you may have been worse.  You tossed in a coin (a penny, I believe), enough to pay the ferryman to take one of my boys to hell.  Only you didn’t do it out of pity; you did it to wish me luck in being right about the deaths of hundreds of American soldiers.  Damn, man, when you look in the mirror who do you think you are?  I’m a poor imitation of Hannah Arendt, boys, but I’ll do in a pinch.  Ready or not…

Captain May

PS:  Here’s a sampling of your fellow collaborators in the informational railway to Auschwitz:

Most of the military reporters I’ve talked to at the New York Times

at least one reporter and one editor at Newsweek

the deputy editor of the New Yorker

Frank Michel, David Langworthy and Jeff Cohen of the Compromised Chronicle

three public affairs officers in the Pentagon

Colonel Dennington, a green beret psyops specialist posing as a senior chaplain at Ft. Stewart

Shit, I could go on, but you’ll be able to research it from the book.  Ted, you were right, I had something to focus on, all right.  Man, did I ever get it!  Too bad you boys didn’t want any of the action, and didn’t even want to consider that I might be right.  Oh, that’s right, those who can, do; those who can’t teach.  Why must you gentlemen prove the clichéists right?

 

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