Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 2
A note from
the underground
Tovarisch Pisatel,
Man, do I feel blown off. I called you yesterday and you said you’d call back in the afternoon. Which afternoon were you talking about, Thom? I should be pissed at you but I’m not. I just keep telling myself that as long as I stay linked to gentlemen like you I am a bit fortified against the kind of suicide of the late Dr. David Kelly. Was he one of your pen-pals, too, Thom?
Anyway, when the prez went home to the White Folks’ House in D.C., I came out of my hole in the hospital and went underground, where I’ve been ever since. I haven’t seen the sun since July 18. The only way I keep a calendar anymore is by the chapters of my book, each of which, like this email, has the time and target.
Just why were you so nervous when I called you two
weeks ago? Hell, we must have talked bad
Russian for a quarter of an hour. I’m
sorry mine sounded so rough, but I’m a bit out of practice. How ‘bout you come visit me in
Here’s some irony for you: The whole time we were talking Russian we both knew we were doing it because we didn’t want to be overheard discussing the nation’s information crisis by government or media spies. Who’s a spy? I don’t know, what do you think a spy is? Is it the guy in the office three doors down who tells water cooler stories to a contact with the Bush Team? Is it the journalists who worked with Kelly? No offense, but is it you? No, OK. It’s not me, either – but how can we trust each other’s word?
Damn, it almost looks like the commies won the Cold War, judging by the way we’re carrying on. Captain May of the U.S. Army and Reporter Shanker of the New York Times are afraid of the English language. I say we’re a disgrace to Shakespeare and no great catch for Tolstoy. Your Russian is better, but I had the best observation, the last one I made before I hung up: It’s a bad day when you have to talk about saving the U.S. Constitution in the Russian language. Plohaya shutka.
I’ve been searching for a good person, using the
lantern of the truth in
I won’t say what else you told me about in Russian,
because I want to keep you squeaky clean with the Times, and because I’m going
to hold you to your word on something.
As you were worried about being overheard at the Times, I was holed up
in a dark house in
Why didn’t you call me with a heads-up after Dr.
Kelly died? The prez
left D.C. the same day, and he was coming to
Do you know what, Tom, I had a terrible feeling that I shouldn’t be in the same town as the prez and his personal agents, July 18-20, so I took off to Bedlam. Yep, went right down to the nearest psychiatric hospital (my lawyer wife at my side), so that I could explain to them that I wanted to stay with them until the president went back to D.C. because I believed he was bringing the dark side of the Bush Team to meet me! I explained to the nice young doctor that I was a Russian intelligence expert with a media background and theories that might compromise certain political equations …
(I looked at her for understanding.)
“Of course,” she replied with sincerity, “we’ll give you a place to stay.” Did they ever! What happened after that is a great story, and I hope you’ll read all about it some day. Do you believe that a black belt with a lawyer can stand down two shifts of hospital gorillas and three Houston Police Department officers? Yep, it can be done…
Captain May
PS: You’re a
pretty important actor in my book now.
As we finished our conversation I think we both better understood how
the intelligentsia felt in the