Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4
Yo
Thom, I’ve got a letter pending for you which I started before your foray into
I just wanted to let you
know that I’ve cut out the piece you wrote while on your adventure downrange
with Wolf-wits. I’m pleased that it
wasn’t your last, because I’d hate your final article to be something entitled
“Wolfowitz Is Cheering and Cheered in
Speaking of Dr. Pesikoff (splendid listener, highly recommended), does it mean I’m anti-Semitic if I only use Jewish shrinks? You see, I think Jews are smarter than crackers like me, and that makes me a racist – doesn’t it? Or is racism anti-Semitism at all? Or am I a Baptist neo-Zionist and don’t know it yet? I might even be Jewish, ‘cause my mama was adopted from parents unknown. The only thing that’s sure about me is that I’m confused.
Anyhow, I paid five dollars for y’all’s inflated rag, and I marveled at the stupidity of white people for the majority of the day. It was worth the price just for the laughs I got reading the Times news articles, but your offer to reimburse me for my expense was kind. Send the five-buck check to X. I’ll put it on the wall of honor, right next to Rachel Corrie’s picture.
Remember what I told you the colored and crackers are saying in the basic training units lately, tovarisch pisatel? “Bush started the war to get even for Dad and make a reputation for himself.” How do they know what y’all are too dumb to figure out? ‘Cause they’re a bunch of kids themselves, and they know how immature folks think. So do I – and that gives me an edge.
Boy George ain’t grown up, Thom.
Ain’t it just like a kid to tell lies to get
permission to go somewhere (in this case, to war), then cover up his first big boo-boo in
I thought all this
bullshit would be over in July. The day
after I dropped the AJC a line on the battle of
Mike Luckovich from the Journal-Constitution was on CNN July 21 – the day after George Porgie got all shook up in Texas, and stayed in Crawford an extra day to get his nerves steady, waiting for his hands to stop shaking and his eyes to stop darting looks left and right. Yep, while Gorgie Porgie sat in Crawford looking like the loser he is, Luckovich was showing the Ramirez cartoon of Bush with a gun to his head, talking about how Ms. Tucker was “very heroic” and was going to hold the prez to task for the war.
Yep, I though it was
coming to a head. CNN was starting to
blow the lid of the Private
Jessica story. John
Kerry was suggesting that we should turn the
Anyhow, get back to asking irrelevant questions irrespective of the iridescence that awaits us when you media boys and girls chickenshit us into a nuclear war. The preppy prez calls it a nookyooler war but inability to talk right or think right has never stopped an idiot from starting a fire or a war. Thom, here’s something for you to post over your desk from Captain May. I wrote it to teach my students about love and life and humanity, and you can share it with the folks you care about:
Evolution
When I was a cell and you were a cell
in the dark,
primeval time,
we loved each
other long and well
within the teeming
slime.
But now we’ve evolved to nobler heights,
my love – and
soon (I trust)
we’ll love on dark posteval nights
as radioactive
dust.
---Captain May, (B4 WWIII)
PS: I think I’ll try it out on the Dixie Chicks,
Thom. Hell, they may be Southern and
crackers, but they had enough sense to denounce Bush and
PPS: Hey, what do you think of the triumph of the
swill in Kalifornia
– that’s how
Always
good to hear from you, little buddy.
I appreciate your appreciating my irony just as much as I reveled in
hearing you say the last time we talked that my logistical and exit-strategy
concerns for
Hey, thanks for telling me
to be safe. Yeah, right, like prudence
is my middle name. Thom, I’ve got even
less sense than you, and I wrote you yesterday that you were a fool for
sticking your neck out in
I’ve talked to Moslem
friends I’ve known, taught, learned from and respected for decades. They are sounding and acting a lot like the
Jews of Hitler’s pre-war years in
Well, fuck Bush again just
for good measure. If I get popped by
that jackass, maybe guys like you would really
stick your neck out for the folks who have become (sand) niggers in the
jingoistic weltanschauung of Bushlings. Shit man,
standing up for Moslem minorities is the new Civil Rights movement in
Thom, it’s because too many good bourgeois, German professionals were afraid in the early Hitler days that their country went so far astray and entered a world war. That generation of Germans stained their people’s memory with being the most vicious exterminators to ever persecute the Jews – and that’s some feat, brother. I get pissed off for my Jewish friends every time I think about it, and I’m glad as hell that the Americans machine-gunned the guards at Dauchau, then marched the whole town through to see and smell the corpses. I just hate hate, don’t you?
Fuck Bush – now I’ve said
it a third time for dramatic emphasis.
There are still decent folks in
I’ve been handing out the condensed manuscript by the dozen in coffee houses. Today I gave one to a cop buddy of mine down the road, as well as a couple of cop buddies I’ve taught some martial arts to. Guess what, Thom? These guys are trained to look for perps (cop talk for perpetrators) and they’re smiling to themselves at just how guilty of crimes and war crimes Boy George is starting to look. How about you tell the folks at the Times that Captain May sez it’s time for some American glasnost.
Just to make sure you don’t bear me a grudge, I’ll tell you one last thing now in case I don’t get around to it later: I didn’t know which of you media/political/military boys had handed me over to Bush for retaliation, but I figured you were a good candidate because you knew what I knew and what I had done to investigate it, and you knew what Kelly’s death meant. It would have been a brave thing to think of Captain May on that dark day, then call him with a warning call… Thank God I had a couple of sentinels who weren’t scared or sleeping. Well, after that I was plenty pissed at you, and you were lucky you weren’t at hand, but as soon as we had our Russian talk in late July I knew you weren’t the Judas. The only reason I badgered you and eventually set you up on the gallows was to make sure everyone kept reading my emails as I downloaded my book into their computers, and knew that I was pissed. Sorry to have to be a hard-ass, mascot, but it was wartime. And tell that boy that’s trying to run the Times (I must learn his name someday) that of all the castrated creatures we call our media, the Times came the closest to acting like it had balls. And tell him to keep running Freedman – it’s better chuckles than Peanuts.
Proschay tovarisch pisatel, moy drug y (kak ya) durak.
Captain May
PS: I’d write more, but Mr. Coleman, my black
mentor, is back home from the hospital and needs a loaf
of bread. He’s feeling well enough to
talk, so I just say “yessir” and jump over to his
bedside. After all, he’s the wisest man
in
Hey little buddy, did you notice that Brenner Saturday slipped and said that we were winning the “world war” on terror? Yep, the Bushlings are giving the signs of their true intentions. By God, we aren’t going to lose any wars under George XLIII, even if it means the war to end all wars by ending us! If we win (which we won’t) we get the New American Century, which appeals to the upper crust of the party and our “special friends” in the region. If we lose we get Armageddon, which appeals to my Brother Baptists, of whom the prez is one at heart, though he’s posing as a Methodist for dignity’s sake.
Here’s
an old cracker joke about Southern Protestants:
Question: What’s the difference between a Baptist and a
Methodist?
Answer: A Methodist wears shoes.
Well, Bush is well-shoed
(jack-booted, in fact), but I’m a barefoot (fallen) Baptist most of the time as
a matter of martial arts training. My
way teaches me to avoid shit, whereas the prez has
learned to stomp right through it.
Those who follow me prefer my way, but if you guys want to get
splattered by following Boy George, keep trailing the turd
trampler.
Congratulate the
And hey, kudos to FOX for
having a three-star (retired) who told it like it is. A couple of nights ago he explained to one of
the fair and balanced hosts that things like eliminating WMD, deposing Saddam
and freeing the Iraqis were only "intermediate objectives." So what was the main objective of the war,
according to a man who’s (presumably) read his Clausewitz? He says the main objective (the mission)
is to establish a foothold in the region to place hostile religion and heaps of
resources at the disposal of the
Time to wake up, Thom. Man, I’ve learned something by visiting sick folks: The later you face the truth of your health the bigger an operation you’re going to suffer…, and you can actually wait too long, Thom.
The Germans wanted to avenge WWI, and they found Hitler, a coached speaker, who could reach their fears. Well, we had 911 as our WWI, and but it sparked the same vengeance lust, and we had a guy who (we thought) could stomp right in and stomp some ass for us…, except he stomped right into quicksand – whither we followed him (and still follow him) like scared sheep, or brutalized Jews.
You know about the
I made them a deal for
that Friday foray: They would give the genocided Jewish People their respectful observance for the
couple of hours of the tour, as if they were going to a funeral, and not
display blow-off, grab-ass field-trip manners.
If they met my terms, afterwards I promised I would march them over to
nearby
So did they keep their end
of the bargain by acting right? Hell,
Thom, I saw immigrant girls who couldn’t write their answers in good English
straining to listen to the survivors; some of my folks were fingering rosary
beads. After we finished the tour the
kids wanted to take time for silent prayer before they left.
I kept my end of the
bargain, too. We ate, listened to gangsta rap (yeah, Thom, the kind that uses words like fuck and ho, and mixes the two together a lot), played football, ate, and
generally partied. Someone soaped the
nearby Meacom Fountains on
So what’s the point of
telling a journalist a story about constructive, innovative education and
regard for the past? Good question,
seeing the kind of work y’all have been doing since Boy George decided to go to
war. Well, here’s the answer: Captain May has always preached remembrance
of the Holocaust. Hell, Thom, I’ve read
everything I could get my hands on from the Third Reich, from William Shirer’s Rise and
Fall of the Third Reich to Albert Speer’s Inside the Third Reich and Spandau Diaries to
Ellie Wiesel’s Night. Man, I could spit book names at you for
thirty minutes. Wanna
talk Goebbel’s Diaries? Which years?
(I’ve read ‘em all). Hitler biographies? Try Tolland’s Adolph Hitler or someone’s The
Psychopathic God (I forget the author, ‘cause it’s been twenty five years
since I read that one, but it’s a good read).
See Thom, there’ a great April Fools joke for you: Cracker Captain May has spent a good part of
his life studying the signs of democratic collapse in its most monstrous case,
and on April Fools day he wrote the
famous essay that warned we were imitating paranoid Nazi
Germany by entering a quicksand war, and might repeat their error of starting a
world war ending in their destruction. (
So what’s so funny about my April Fools joke? Black humor, Thom, and here’s the blackest part of it: a lot of my Jewish friends were silent while their community made an alliance with my dumbass Baptist Brethren, and other hawkish Bushlings. They’re starting to regret it, because they’re remembering that it’s hard to have a high and mighty empowered whitey for prez and still keep your civil rights, little buddy.
Y’all should have been reading the books I read, Thom. The Holocaust of the 40’s started in the halls of the Reichstag in the 30’s, when the government granted Hitler emergency powers that led to the SS, the Gestapo and the concentration camps. Things didn’t reach their final solution for a few years, of course, but clever folks could see it coming – they just couldn’t print it in the papers or utter it in public, ‘cause it would have put them at risk, first of losing their careers and friends, later their family and lives. Unfortunately, the failure of clever folks to inform their simple brethren and sistren led to the virtual extinction of European Jewry. I’ve been horrified by the Holocaust all my life, from the killing of six million human beings in the death camps – committed by German professionals, to the hundreds of Americans killed in the Battle of Baghdad – committed by our own professionals. I don’t want to be remembered as one of those who forgot the lessons of history, and I don’t want my country to be condemned to repeat them.
The worst black humor of all is when the folks who are supposed to remember the best become the first to forget, and empower the guy who longs for Gotterdamerung – or in this case, Armageddon. Before it’s all over I won’t be the only guy living underground, looking over his shoulder, or worrying about Gitmo.
Captain May
PS: I hope your Halloween didn’t have too many tricks in it. I’m writing a scary story about my October 29 night for you as a late treat. I’ll send it later. Yep, Thom, I spoil you rotten.
Ciao, Captain May
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