Ghost Troop Home Page April Fools Part 4
Hey Thom, good talking to you just now, and I’ll be mighty proud to hang your five-buck memento on the wall of fame in my bunker. So really, what do you think of my theory for the most recent chapter of our History of the Infowar? I’m going to call the period since Boy George came back to D.C. from Crawford (where he affects Texan status) “Beating around the Bush,” [Editor’s emphasis, in all cases] ‘cause no one is ready to come to the point that the war was a hustle from the start and a bust now that we’re in the quicksand.
First off, Boy George beats around his own Bush by playing word games about how the problem in Iraq is the bad reporting at home – ‘til Wolf-wits (and you, our Ghost Troop mascot) got blown out of bed two Sundays and a Chinook got SAM’ed the next.
The Intelligence Subcommittee beats around the Bush by saying it wants his intelligence notes again (they first tried to get ‘em back in the first week of July, but then Bush and Blair started black ops on critics). Well, they’ve been letting the issue lie until they felt good and safe, ergo this week they leaked a memo saying that they’ll bray up a storm if the elephants try to sit on the truth.
The semi-ethical media starts hinting that the prez has buried the truth of the American war dead and speaking of acknowledgements by Reagan and Clinton of honored mass casualties when they occurred in the past. Three weeks ago Krauthammer hints that Bush gambled his presidency that there wouldn’t be a “bloody Battle of Baghdad.” Helen Thomas hints that we aren’t getting the whole truth. Maureen Dowd (sp?) said in y’all’s torch of truth today that the prez was hiding from reality. The Cringing (Houston) Chronicle’s main man in D.C., Craig Hines, wrote yesterday that Bush played fast and loose (and crooked) when it came to getting us into – and keeping us getting deeper into – a loser war.
Yesterday Representative Rangel (I like ‘im) led the cry for Rummy’s head, and there’s a dozen black folks in Congress waiting to be as eloquent as Martin Luther King in denouncing war and mean white boys like the prez. Count on my brothers for being the first to preach a little down-home rebellion – that’s why I live with them – that and the fact that they keep you white folks from pestering me.
A couple of weeks ago Senator Hillary (always had a thing for smart women – had a dream about her once), started hinting at national policy against classifying military events to avoid embarrassment.
Y’all of the media are the best show though (as usual). I’m amused at how the infoturtles are still crawling toward the finish line that I stretched across the track back on April 13, when I wrote the still unpublished “3/7 Cavalry, tragedy and travesty”:
“I
look at my oath of commission as an Army officer and see that I swore to defend
the Constitution. The commander in chief
took an oath in which he swore to do the same.
He betrayed it.
“Congress
should demand explanations from President George W. Bush, and prepare articles
of impeachment if he can’t or won’t explain himself. As for the media, perhaps it will realize
that although it was willingly embedded by the government, it is not married to
it. A trial of impeachment of the
president would be as good a story as the war was, and might even tempt the media
to rouse itself from its bed and reconsider its spring fling in
Captain May, who served on the general staff of
I’ll tell you who’s making
his way – by a nose – to the prize of being a media hero by spilling his
guts. Ol’ Weasely
“I
believe that now is the time for the commander in chief to show the utmost
flexibility in his war plans. We and our
brave ally,
“Military
intelligence officers are accustomed to being told that their field is a
contradiction in terms, and that they are the bearers of bad news and
worst-case scenarios. But it seems to me
that fortune is no longer smiling on our heroic liberation of
May, who served on the general staff of the Army’s 75th
Division, is a graduate of the
Yep, everyone is beating around the Bush. Everyone, that is, except yours truly, the much-maligned Captain May, who gets targeted for assassination by the Bushling ‘cause he does his duty as an officer of the Constitution. I hope one day I have the chance to meet Joe Wilson and his wife – at a trial for the White House folks. I’ll invite my neighbors, ‘cause they know how to enjoy a good show and laugh out loud. Thom, where do you think I learned how to act badass? The black folks! Now, the advanced question: Where do you think I learned to be badass? The yellow folks. I ain’t never learned nothin’ from my own ‘cept how to lie.
Oh well, I guess I should give (lame) applause to the folks who are at least starting to beat around the Bush – hell, at least no one (except my Brother Baptist Tom Delay, that is) is bowing down to a pampered rich brat and calling him a the Burning Bush any more. Thank God we’re getting past the great sin of idolatry. On the other hand, here’s the kind of advice I’m getting from my brother Baptists, this one a media pro. Read it and ask yourself if Captain May sez you media boys and girls should keep beating around the Bush much longer:
Captain May,
You may be right on about everything except the
airport. However, you’re now writing
about what I consider a sideshow or skirmish, as bloody and difficult as
As I see it, this is the global situation:
The clash of civilizations is real and right now. There is no sane way to live on the same
planet with the Wahabist Muslims, despite what the French,
Germans and other peace-loving folks say.
There is only a small window, maybe until 2015, in which
we have a relative amount of freedom of action.
By then, we’ll be at swords points [sic] with
The real issue is not even Christians vs. Muslims but
change. Don’t project on Islam the
distribution of liberals, moderates and conservatives you see among
Christians. The liberal Muslims are
hardly a patina, the moderates barely two coats of paint [sic] on the great
body of Muslims. The remaining
conservatives are not amenable to change.
Period.
The real race is to educate Muslim women faster than the
mullahs can inspire terrorists and provide an example of a functioning, moderate
democracy in the Muslim world. Those are
the changes the Muslims most fear.
The most important thing about the
Even given all that, how can I welcome Armageddon? I have a 14-month-old granddaughter. I don’t welcome it. But I see the chance it will happen. I think global, horrible confrontation is
inevitable. I’d rather
I believe we have one choice: liberty or death, and I believe that applies
to the whole world right now.
Your brother Baptist
And here’s some of my Ghost Troop, 3/7 Cavalry mail correcting me for my confusion about the math of the New York Times, et al.:
Captain May,
You’re dead wrong, sir. 2+2=3, not 5. Oops, I mean: 2+2=6. Or is it 8? Whatever the president says, I guess. The loyal opposition is a lot of traitors. There’s a world war/global war going on here, and we cannot afford to be soft on the people who started it for no good reason! By the way, sir, great piece you sent this time! Loco de Wacko