Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3

 

September 4, 0945, email from Lt. Untermeyer (USN), Chaplain, Ghost Troop

ERIC:

Asking the House for 5 minutes “upon adjournment” to speak is a longstanding way by which members can talk about whatever’s on their minds. Usually, no one is around to hear them. Newt Gingrich discovered this period as a useful way to speak to the C-SPAN-watching public, to the point that Tip O’Neill made the cameras pan an empty House chamber as Newt spoke. I have no idea what Sheila wanted to speak about (it’ll be in the Congressional Record), but the fact she did so is not extraordinary. Also, did you see in the Chronicle that Wesley Clark said he is definitely a Democrat?

CHASE.

September 4, 1000, email to Lt. Untermeyer (USN) Chaplain, Ghost Troop

Lt. Untermeyer (USN), quit chasing after ghosts of ideas!  OK, I love you, so I’ll keep trying:  SJL got calls from me (via the media fire I targeted at her and the Chronicle).  She asked for a few minutes to bring up the business of when her ass is going to get off the hot seat of public opinion.  Hell’s bells, chaplain, I told you I ambushed her at the Palestinian art exhibition three weeks ago.  I gave her all the major op-eds, the letter to the Thom Shanker of the New York Times.  I put a hand-written note on the front of the paper, called her down in front of dozens of folks, and demanded that she act.  Do you know what here only reply was?  What’s you timetable?”  She then spent three weeks dodging Mrs. May, who tried to follow up for a meeting.  Hmm…

All right, here it is:  SJL is a sunk ship.  I don’t care that all kinds of folks take five minutes of time (although I think you’re stretching a bit to compare SJL to Gingrich); I don’t care that all kinds of folks suddenly leave D.C. the first night they’re back from vacation; I don’t care that SJL has pitched a tizzy before when she got dissed on flights.  All I care about is that all these things happened together within 12 hours of my attack on her base in Houston.

By the by, I’d been letting SJL get further and further into the time trap, because I wanted her to be guilty as Judas when I made my move.  Yesterday morning I woke up after my daily four hours of sleep and I decided I’d waited long enough on her, and I’d had enough with the Crummy Chronicle, so I tied the same information rope (a hot press release) around both of ‘em and threw ‘em into the deep end of the political pool.  Let’s see who drowns who, or whether they’re willing to go down together.  The issue ain’t in question, my (best) man.  I’ve made some more contacts, and the media piranhas wont wait long after I’ve drawn first blood from the people who desecrated our comrades.  No mercy.  Fuck ‘em.

As for Weasley Clark, dammit, chaplain!  Why must you be a doubting Thomas each and every time?  Ain’t it possible that the psyops I whipped out across America over Labor Day weekend tipped his hand too much, and he’s faking the media out again?  The general is reaching for another Democratic veil to pull off and allure the media, but trust me, what’s beneath is all Republican.  When the truth about the cover-ups comes out, yesterday’s Democratic wannabe will be tomorrow’s Republican winner.  Clark has positioned himself in a neutral spot, and the media can’t handle the reason why, so it keeps fumbling with his true identity.

And by the by, did I read it in the Chronicle?  Yep, every morning I take a sit and scan the scatology they call scoops.  First thing, every morning.  It’s the tae kwon do, Chase.  It makes me regular and righteous!  Quit quoting the Crappy Chronicle!  It’s time for you to join my movement!

I know you’re a chaplain now, so I’m not going to be overmuch harsh for your inability to read the terrain ahead.  Just leave it to me and the general, sir.

Captain May

PS:  Same request:  Pick up the phone and call someone high enough to know whether I’m whistling Dixie or not.  Don’t you see that if I’m right it explains why people move when I want them to move – because they’re dodging the big, bad truth of things.  If I’m wrong I’m crazy, and someone should care enough to have Lieutenant Colonel Terry Ferrell, commander of the 3/7 Cavalry, call me and tell me to stand down.  Here, pass along the letter I wrote him…

Doesn't the man who did that much for love of his brothers and concern for his country deserve an answer, chaplain?  Pro deo et patria.

 

Ghost Troop Home Page    April Fools Part 3